Giving hope to those affected
by secondary breast cancer
Research. Support. Education.
Giving hope to those affected
by secondary breast cancer
My name is Donna. I live in a village called Stewartby in Bedfordshire and I live with my husband Dave and my son Harry and daughter-in-law Lalita, who is pregnant. My daughter Chloe lives nearby with her husband and my grandson Oscar, and my middle son Jack is working and living in Thailand.
I was having problems with axilla pain from around 2017 but was refused a mammogram as told I was too young. I was told it was likely mechanical or hormones that were causing a reactive and enlarged lymph node. I went back a number of times and was always sent away. In May 2020, I found a very large lump on the underside of my right breast right near the ribs near the armpit. I paid to be seen private as I didn’t trust that I wouldn’t see the same surgeon who told me to basically go away years previously. The surgeon I saw was fantastic she told me straight away it was cancer and organised a biopsy to confirm and to be transferred back to the NHS under her care. Initially it was thought to be stage 3 as my CT scan was clear but my oncologist ordered a PET-CT scan as he was worried about some intramammory lymph nodes and unfortunately this scan showed wide spread bone metastasis and multiple bilateral liver metastasis as well.
After being diagnosed, I think I was a little relieved at first that the pain I had been experiencing wasn’t a figment of my imagination. We know our bodies and I was made to feel like a hormonal woman who was complaining. Then I think I was shell shocked. I felt like I was in a bubble dream like state just doing as I was told. It don’t really feel like it was happening to me. The reality didn’t hit until around 18mths later.
I knew about secondary breast cancer before my diagnosis. My aunt died from it when I was 11. Breast cancer is quite prevalent in my father’s side of the family. I was also a nurse so I knew about cancers metastasising through work.
It’s been hard on my family. My children took the news as expected, they were extremely upset and worried I was going to die straight away. When it was evident I was doing ok we relaxed a bit. Well my children have relaxed a bit I have the death sentence chasing me in the shadows every day! We have a dark sense of humour in our family and I think this has helped us through as well. My parents and brothers struggle a bit I think. I’m their baby or their baby sister They don’t like it when I talk about the reality of what will come and I don’t think they are keen on my dark humour around this! But the humour helps me and helps my children as well.
I took ill health retirement from work. I couldn’t see how I could give my all to my patients when I feel so tired all the time. I take daily afternoon naps and that wouldn’t have been possible if I had carried on working. I miss work tremendously and when I was first treated in the chemo ward I found myself getting people water and blankets and I was told off and told I am now the patient! That was hard giving up that nursing part of me, it was another thing cancer stole from me, but it’s easier now.
In terms of support - my husband is fantastic. We talk everything through together and I think he is the only one who almost gets how I feel. I don’t have to pretend with him - he just knows when I’m in pain or feeling down. I think from the outside people might see me just as I always was, but he knows what life is actually like for me. My joy in life comes from my children and my grandson and my little granddaughter that is due in July.
I joined a few support groups when I was diagnosed and Make 2nds Count just stood out. It was hard when I was diagnosed as I wasn’t able to see many people as it was the height of Covid and first lockdowns. I posted little at first in the closed Facebook support group. Then I was given a place on the Rainhill 2nds Together Retreat in 2023 and my life changed completely. I met people who have become such good friends, they just get it and I love them dearly. Make 2nds Count really did change everything for me. I don’t post on the support group much as mostly I am ok, but I always try to respond to people. I became a Community Ambassador last year and hope to start my own Tea & Chat support group this year. I want to give as much back to the charity as I can for all they’ve done for me.
I get hope from the small things in life. I try to find beauty in everything and try to give back as much as I can. I just want to live as well as I can for as long as I can. I trust in my team to keep me safe, I’m very lucky I have a phenomenal team at my hospital and for a small hospital, I am extremely lucky to have that. I also find hope in science, we are living a lot longer now and living reasonably well. Treatments of the future give me hope. If I feel like I have no hope any day, a visit with my grandson picks me right back up again.
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